Yesterday I
was at my local Safeway buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet,
Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked
if I had a dog.
What did
she think I had---- an elephant?
So because
I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have
a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her
that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, load
your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was
going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in
line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified,
she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I
told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought
the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.
Safeway
won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They
have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
No comments:
Post a Comment